Friday, November 16, 2007

Man, I Wish I Was Beautiful...

For almost all of my life, I was told I was "fat". I was a "heavy girl". I would have to be careful of my weight. My mother started harping on me at an early age that weight=beauty. I don't honestly do not feel she realized she had done so. Because she was overweight as a child. And had already known the price.

Fast forward several years. I do not ever remember my own mother telling me I was beautiful. Ever. My teenage years where I needed to know about make-up and girly things, she didn't know that. She never had that life. She was always second fiddle to her sister. My Aunt Joni. Who was the most fun person ever.

And the reason my parent's met. And the person I most resemble. We have the same color eyes. She introduced my parent's. She was actually my Dad's blind date. And she told my Mom that "she would be stupid to let a guy like that go." So my Mom asked him out for coffee. He accepted. And that was that. They married and began their life together. And then...

She was killed in a motorcycle accident after I was born.

It is difficult to live with that, but made even more so when you resemble her.

I am not her. I am me. I remember her, barely.

I am Jenny. Just Jenny. I am your daughter and your friend. I am just me.

Will that ever be enough? Can that ever be enough?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's MORE than enough, sweetie.

Jenny H. said...

Wordnerd- Thank you.

The Monkey...

The Monkey...