Can't Talk...

V. busy playing Mobsters on MySpace.

What? I am kicking some serious ass and takin' names...

I will return tomorrow.

GUESS WHAT?

I WON MY VERY FIRST PiF CONTEST!

That's right, baby! I WON! WOO-HOO, WOO-HOO, WOO-HOO.

Okay. I'm done. And now feeling slightly guilty that I haven't sent off the package to my first PiF winner. I know, I suck. It has been sitting in the back of my van for over a week. Because I keep putting off going to the Post Office. Only because I have to take the boys inside with me. Yeah. Not so much. But I am going to. Because I do feel bad. And slacky. And bad.

Anyhoo, back to being a WINNER. Misty over at http://mistyatourhouse.blogspot.com/ held her own PiF after winning one she entered and I won it! Confused? I am, a little.

But I WON!

I will keep y'all posted. And calm down.

Things That Have Gone The Way Of The Dodo...

They say that after you have a child your life will never be the same. That is absolutely one hundred percent true. And almost ninety-eight percent of that is all warm and fuzzy and gooey deliciousness.

The other two percent? Not so much. No one tells you about the other two percent. So I have decided to take it upon myself to let you know all about what you can expect to miss. At least according to me, that is. Let us begin.

* The very first thing I began to miss was the ability to sleep on my tummy. Sometime after the first trimester it begins to be rather uncomfortable. I liken it to trying to sleep on top of a personal watermelon. You know? Those mini ones? Plus, it just feels like you are crushing the baby. Not very maternal.

* The second thing I miss,to this day,would be my old bladder. Sigh. My old bladder was a champ. Undefeated in his weight. Impressive, no? The new bladder? Let's just say that he cannot handle any of my Diddy's funnier jokes. And yes, I know all about Kegels. I am the Kegel Queen. Wait, that sounded a little dirty. Let me rephrase that. I do a lot of Kegels. It ain't helpin' me not to pee my pants when I really get to laughing. That's all I'm saying.

* Another thing that leaves pretty quickly? Your brain. No lie. Kiss it good-bye. You will find yourself forgetting the word for, let's just use this as an example, cat. It certainly did not happen to me. Nor did it involve any sort of charades to try and make her bonehead husband understand just what in the Sam Hill she was talking about, thankyouverymuch.

* While we are being all Share-y McShare-pants, I miss my sex drive. If anyone has seen her, send her slutty ass home. Who has the time for the sex? No, really. That is a legitimate question.

*The " Good Ol' Days ". Being able to sleep in. Or just sleep through the night without having to get up. I'm not greedy. I would make do with either.

* A little thing I used to call privacy. You may refer to it as being able to go to the bathroom in peace. And by yourself, for that matter. Nothing says "love" like a little voice asking what you are doing while you are trying to do your bidness.

* And last, but certainly not least, my sanity. I don't really think that needs much explanation. If you have children. If you don't, call me. I will go in to detail.

Now, having said all that, let me say this. I love being a Mama. More than anything in the whole, wide world. But there are days I would like to run off and join the circus just for the break.

Thankfully,those days are few and far between.

Dude!

How long have I had this blog? A year? Year and a half?

I just now figured out how to add my picture. No lie.

What a maroon...

The Best Part of My Day...

My day did not start off so well this morning. I ended up having to drive my husband to work at the ungodly hour of six thirty. Bah. Work was work. Except towards the end. When this beeyotch made me get a frickity-frackin' TRAVEL SYSTEM off the top shelf in the toy area. Because she wanted to look at it. Never mind that it weighed three million pounds. Or that I had to stand on a LADDER to get it. Oh hells no. Then, and here is the kicker, SHE DECIDES NOT TO GET IT. Wait for it. Because the cup holder on the top of the stroller was dirty.

Pissed does not even begin to cover just how angry I was. Still am. Monkeys will fly out of my ass before I lift one finger to ever help her again. Truly.

But the very best part of my day? Watching my boys "dance" to Louis Armstrong. And the rest of the songs on my dad's Ken Burns Jazz CD set. They love it. They love all music really. It gives my father a kick to be able to share his love of music with my children.

Just like he did with me and my Bubba all those years ago.

Forkaphobia...

I don't actually know if that is a real phobia, but we will pretend it is. I've tried looking it up to no avail. Does anyone know if it is a phobia? Anyone? Bueller?

It is another one of my "family jokes". I know. I have a lot of 'em. What can I say. We are a funny family. Don't be haters. Back to the story...

My father loves to run things in to the ground. And stomp on them. And then maybe jump up and down on 'em for good measure. When that happens and we no longer feel like humoring him we say " Okay, you're done. Stick a fork in it". This has been going on for years. Last night I decided to take it one step further. He was rambling on about something that was so no longer funny. I got up, walked in to the kitchen and grabbed a fork from the siverware drawer. Then I walked back in to the living room and stood by the couch until I had his attention. And handed him the fork. The look on his face was priceless. He later told me that he could not believe his only daughter would be so cruel. To which I replied that he was just jealous that he had never thought of it. Which was true. Which then led to the discussion of phobias( see why I never explain my stories?!).

Since I also love running things in to the ground I decided that I needed to make him a t-shirt with the definition of forkaphobia on it! Wouldn't that be the funniest thing ever? I need to come up with a better name first. Anyone got any ideas? Lemme know. I'm off tomorrow and plan on heading up to Michael's.

Because I also plan on making one for my Bubba. Hee hee. But I can't write what I'm going to put on it because his girlfriend reads my blog. But it is FUNNY! After I make the t-shirts I will try to post a picture of them.

I'd Only Ever Seen Him On The Radio...

Don't even ask about the title. It's a rather embarrassing remark I made whilst watching the Braves game with my Diddy. It's a long story that will no longer be even remotely funny by the time I get through explaining it to you all.

Unless you are my Bubba. Then it would probably still be funny.

Let's just say it will go down in our family archives as,quite possibly, one of the dumbest things I have ever said. Not the dumbest. We already had a winner for that title. Years ago. But it is definitely up there. Hoo boy.

And on that note, I am going to bed. It's been a very long day.

Did You Know?

************ possible TMI alert ************



Hi! Here's an interesting tidbit I found out on Tuesday morning...

When having your IUD removed it is ADVISED to ABSTAIN FROM THE SEX FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK PRIOR TO SAID REMOVAL. Because with the IUD most women don't have a period. Or if you're like me, it's every six weeks-ish for about an hour. Ovulation who? So on the off chance you are ovulating before the removal, come to Mama!

WTF?!SERIOUSLY?!

I'm thinking that might be an important smidge of information that a person's OB/GYN might need to mention beforehand. So certain people don't decide to win one for the Gipper, if you catch my drift.

Jeebus.

I could very well already BE pregnant. I'm just waiting for my husband to confirm or the arrival of good ol' Aunt Flo. Either way it's gonna be one hell of a couple weeks!

**** edited to add ****
Flo has arrived, thankyouverymuch. I would have been excited to have already been pregnant, but it would have sucked some of the fun right on out of it. You know?

Operation Knocked Up...

************ possible TMI alert ************

It is official. I went to my OB/GYN this afternoon and had my IUD removed. We now have the green light, as it were, to begin making another baby. Our third baby. Can I get a WOOT!WOOT! ?

Well, not actually tonight. I am a little crampy and uncomfortable. Maybe tomorrow. On the bright side? It does not hurt at all to have it removed. In fact it literally took about two minutes. Seriously.

So now we wait.

And maybe begin discussing baby names. Or is that too soon?

Week 3...

It's not going so well. I am very angry with my mother. I resent being treated like I am still in high school. It is really pissing me off and making it very difficult for me to remain civil. I am a grown woman. So is she for that matter. Jeebus...

My husband deserves some sort of medal. Or something. He has the patience of Job. Truly. He has always been sort of quiet towards my parents. Us living here has not cured him of that habit. He spends a lot of time with the boys outside or in our room.

We are just ready to be back in our own place. The kids are okay. The excitement has kinda worn off now. They don't really have anywhere that is their own space. Plus, if something is on that my parents want to watch,then they can't be in the living room.

I feel so stifled and resentful. I keep telling myself that it is only for a little while longer and "serenity now, serenity now", but I don't know how much longer I can bite my tongue. I am on the verge of exploding. And to make matters worse? I am off work tonight. Yikes.

Serenity now, serenity now...

25 Things You Always Wanted To Know...

Yeah, I know it's kind of a cop out. I'm tired of listening to myself complain. Enjoy....

1- I am a total francophile.
2- I love to watch commercials.
3- I don't really understand texting.
4- I love MySpace far more than I should. Far more.
5- I am nervous about having another child. Excited, but still a little terrified.
6- I am mad with the Atlanta Falcons. I no longer heart them. Geaux Saints!
7- I have replaced "moot point" with "moo point". What? It's a cow's opinion!!
8- I say "whatev" because I know it gets on my husbands nerves.
9- I would rather take a nap than just about anything.
10- I have a green thumb.
11- I drink far too much soda.
12- I can make really killer lasagna.
13- I still sleep with my body pillow from my prior pregnancies. What? I love that thing!
14- I still have quite a potty mouth.
15- I put syrup on my cornbread.
16- I pretty much wear flip-flops year round.
17- I love everything about the Olympics.
18- I like to watch beauty pageants with my parents.
19- I am still computer challenged.
20- I have a bizarre sense of humor.
21- I love nothing more than snuggling with the boys on a lazy morning.
22- I no longer care for my mom's meatloaf. Blech.
23- I am ready to move out.
24- I still sometimes miss my ex-BFF. Only sometimes.
25- I do NOT want to be pregnant in the summer. EVER. AGAIN.

Voila! Now you know a little bit more about me. It wasn't at all painful, was it?

Good times.

Well...

I forgot I cheated and put up a graphic for a post. That sucks. I was planing on doing that now. Saturdays are very long for me. I work from 10 to 6. And we are usually very busy. Fortunately that was not the case today.

But I'm still tired. I'll be back tomorrow with some witty story, or something.

Don't ask...

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Yes, this is SO cheating. Bite me.

How is This Possible?

Here's the deal. Why is it that going out to dinner with an actual newborn, and all that that entails, seems like a piece 'o' the cake compared to eating out with frickin' toddlers? Toddlers from hell, I might add. H-E-L-L. All caps. Yeah, I said it.

I remember going out to eat with Nub shortly after he was born. Which meant the ginormous diaper bag, eighty-four changes of clothes, thirty-six diapers, six bottles, and god knows what else crammed into that thing. Can you say first time Mama?! Y'all know what I'm talkin' about!!! Then there is the lugging around of the carseat. Which almost never fits into a booth. And forget putting it on a chair. Not my preshus baby! So you have to place it in one of those thingys. Which then gets you dirty looks from all the waiters close to your table, because who the hell can get around those monstrosities? Then you get to scarf down your food. Or bring it home. Good times.

I also foolishly remember telling my husband something along the lines of "not being able to wait until the boys were older, because then it would be sooo much easier to take them out to eat". Suckers. It is so not easier. It might actually be worse.

Little weasels.

Next time? My husband and I are going out to eat by ourselves. Where they serve cocktails. And lot's of 'em.

Books! Books! And More Books!

As I was sitting here trying to think about what I wanted to write about I happened to glance at my father's bookcase. Now, to be fair, I should warn you that we are all book whore's. Every single one of us. We have always been voracious readers. Nub and Dub are being brought up the same way.

But I digress. I was thinking that maybe we should have a new book to read for my Read This! Book Club. I have actually been thinking about that for the last few weeks. I just didn't know WHICH book I wanted to suggest. Well, fear not, oh faithful readers. Have I got a book for you.

"The Last of the Mohicans" by James Fenimore Cooper. Believe it or not, I have NEVER read this book. I KNOW! I consider myself to be fairly well read. I read all the required reading back in high school way before anyone else. So you can just imagine my shock when I looked up and noticed that book and realized I had never read it. That is about to change.

Y'all let me know if anyone else is interested in joining me and then we can hammer out some sort of timeline for reading/discussing the book. If not? I'll still be reading it. I am almost finished with the book I have now. I should be able to start it this weekend.

The Results of a Very Long Day...

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Sorry, it was the best I could do. I worked this morning. It was hell.

Women are bitches.

Smells Like Teen Spirit...

That song came on the radio yesterday. It took me back to my junior/senior year in high school. Shut it. And Chris Wilkinson. My high school boyfriend. Ahh, Chris. Young love and all that rubbish. He was pretty hot though. Dude, he was in a band. All that long hair. H-O-T. At least to a young girl.

It's funny to look back on that now. We weren't all that serious. Mainly because I had NO idea how to be a girlfriend. And all it entails, if you get my drift. I was so nervous. All the time. It had to be difficult for him. I guess that's why he cheated on me with one of my closest friends. Who then became pregnant and had an abortion. Which I believe was the end of their "affair".

It was my first experience with betrayal and heartbreak. I was devastated. I never spoke to her again. For some reason it upset me more that she would do something like that to me than the actual act of cheating. I didn't really know the "unwritten rule" back then. The last I'd heard she remarried(for the third/fourth time), and had child number two or three. I did see her in Wal-Marts several years back. That would have to be shortly after Dub was born. She is at least five years older than I am. Saying she has not aged well is putting it politely. Karma sure is a bitch.

The boy? We became somewhat cordial to each other. I think we were going to date each other again and then didn't. I can't for the life of me remember why. Obviously it wasn't too important. I did hear through the grapevine that he married a nice girl named S. They have four(?) children together and are apparently happy. I saw him at the mall last year. He looked exactly the same. Well, minus the long hair. I didn't say anything to him. I suppose I should have. We were friends once. The hurt that I once felt is long gone. Long gone and been replaced a dozen times. But still, it just felt weird. You know? Maybe next time...

No matter what, it is still a rockin' song. Even after all these years...

And The Winner Is...

I had a bit of a dilema when it came to my contest. Three people guessed correctly. I asked Swistle what to do and she gave me the great idea of still using the RNG,but only between the three correct guessee's.

So I did. And the winner with the correct guess of the Titanic is.........


Kelsey of Midwest Mom!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I will be notifying her tonight and getting her address. Thank you all so much for playing. And for visiting my blog. I really appreciate it. I enjoyed all the vagina/penis guesses. Boy would THAT have been inappropriate! As it was,I was pretty horrified by the sight of a giant, blow up version of a sinking Titanic. With children running around it laughing and squealing. And still more children lined up to slide down it. I don't know what these people were thinking. I really don't.

But you can bet if it were a giant vagina/penis those same parent's would not be so eager to let their preshus children line up to slide down it. Can I get an amen?

Coffee Talk...

Being at my parent's house has had one rather faboo perk, the coffee. My Mama and Diddy drink a ton of the sweet nectar. Ergo, so am I. Which ALSO means yummy creamer. Mmmm, flavored creamer... I don't think there is anything better.

Seeing as how I am the only person in the hizzouse who actually USES said creamer I usually get to pick my own. I have some requirements for flavored creamer. First and absolutely foremost- no hazelnut. Ever. I despise hazelnut flavored creamer. Blechy. Which is rather bizarre, because I like hazelnut anything else. Weird, I know. I also do not like plain chocolate flavored creamer. Now if it's White Chocolate Mudslide, well that is a whole 'nother story!

My personal favorite would have to be Southern Butter Pecan. Mmmmmm. So good, so GOOD. I could drink it plain. Really. It is that amazing. I won't. But I could.

I guess this means I am going to have to buy myself another coffee maker when we leave here. I enjoy my morning coffee. I stopped drinking it because my husband doesn't care for coffee. He prefers tea. Freak.( Just joshin', Bebe!) So I got out of the habit of having it in the morning. Which was crazy. As the mother of two children, you know I could use a little hit of caffeine in the AM. Who couldn't?

Speaking of a little hit, I could use another cup. I will be back later with the winner of my Pay it Forward Contest.

How Now Brown Cow...

Living with my parent's again as an adult has been an experience. To say the least. It has been pretty amusing so far. But to be fair, it HAS only been a week. I expect tempers to possibly flare in about two to three weeks. You know, right about the time we all get really comfortable with each other.

Now please don't get me wrong. I love my parent's. Really. But they also make me nuttier than a fruitcake. I'm sure that I am not an easy person to be around 24/7 either. Unless you are my husband. Then you better damn well want and love being around my smiley self 24/7. But, I digress.

It is just surreal to be back here after all these years. The boys are L-O-V-I-N-G it. We may not ever be able to get them to leave. Really and truly! Want to go see the cats before breakfast? Check. Want a little coffee? Check. Want to watch Tom & Jerry whenever you want? Check. Want a cookie before dinner? Check. Are you sensing a pattern here?! It's okay though. I was worried their routine would be disrupted by our having to move back home. But they seem to be rolling with the ol' punches quite nicely.

Kids. Little milk suckers are quite resilient. Who knew?

Finis...

It is official now. My very firstest Pay it Forward contest is over. I had 30 comments on my blog. My blog. I cannot begin to tell you how thrilling that was. Even if it was just because of the contest. 30 peeps is 30 peeps...

So now I will figure out the winner. And let y'all know.

Thank you so much for stopping by. I do hope you will come back and visit. I plan on trying to visit y'all when I can. It was nice to meet everyone.

Happy 4th, Y'all!

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Enjoy your day. Be safe!

F-U-N!!

I don't know about you guys, but I am having so much fun meeting new bloggers and reading their blogs. This was such an awesome idea. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Contest Alert! Contest Alert!! Woot! Woot!

So. The very fabulous Swistle and some of her Peeps have created a Pay it Forward contest. The idea is to send her my URL, which she will then link to on her blog. Then a person can scroll down the list of blogs and enter all these contests. The winner will be chosen by a random number generator through the comments. Sounds like fun, no? Then, and here is the cool part, the winner will be sent a gift from the blogger. Any gift. Any thing at all. I am practically BESIDE myself with excitement!

Here is my contest...

Last Sunday my husband and I were driving past the church that is down the street from our house. Well, former house. Anyhoo, they were setting up for a festival or celebration of something. I thought to myself "how fun is that". Then, I saw it. One of those giant, blow up slides. Only this slide was INCREDIBLY inappropriate. And I am fairly certain it would be considered so by the vast majority of the free world. So here is MY contest:

I want to see if anyone can guess WHAT the slide was. If no one guesses correctly I will still use the random number generator and award my prize. But I can't wait to hear some of your guesses!

Without further ado, let the games,er contests, begin! Good Luck!


PS- Because my link-y thing won't work you will have to access Swistle's blog from my blogroll.

( edited to add: I forgot to set a deadline for my contest! It will end at midnight July 4th. EST. And the winner will be announced Sunday. The prize will be mailed next week! GOOD LUCK!)

Meme, Meme, Who Can I Turn To?

O-kaaaay. This has taken me half the morning to complete, but I feel QUITE triumphant now that I have! Jeebus.

I got this idea from the very lovely Wordnerd over at Jambalaya. One teeny,tiny thing. My questions are back-asswards. Sorry about that.

So here is what you do. Go to Flickr, sign up if you need to. Then enter the answers to these questions in the search engine. Tag your favorite photo and voila! I am going to give y'all the questions backwards, so you can see my answers to them. Enjoy!

1- What is your Flickr name?
2- Choose one word to describe yourself.
3- What do you love most in life?
4- What do you want to be when you grow up?
5- What is your favorite dessert?
6- Where is your dream vacation?
7- What is your favorite drink?
8- Who is your celebrity crush?
9- What is your favorite color?
10- Where did you go to high school?
11- What is your favorite food?
12- What is your first name?