Round here...

Most of the time I hardly ever think about my brother. We have had a falling out. Over what I have no idea. It no longer even matters. I have made numerous attempts to make amends, and nothing. The end.

Today? That is a different story. For the first time in a long time I thought about him without being angry. I was shopping with the boys and we were looking at toys. Quinn's birthday is next weekend. Aidan's is two weeks after Christmas! I found some really awesome toys that I cannot wait to buy for them. I kept picturing their faces when they opened their gifts from Santa on Christmas morning. I could just see the joy and excitement. I could hear their laughter. And it made me want to tell my bubba. And that made me so very sad. I miss him. The boys are getting to that age where they are just really aware. Not just of holidays,birthdays,etc. But of everything.

I just wish I could make him want to see that. He would be blown away by Aidan. His love of tools and books and that damn aquarium. He barely knows Quinn at all. How much he loves baseball and Buzz Lightyear. It sucks. For me, but most of all for them. I don't know what to do. There really isn't anything I can do. Except cry.

Because I really do miss him. And I wish he would miss me too.