Time to come clean...

I have been avoiding this post for some time now. I couldn't figure out how to say these simple words... We lost our house.

The foreclosure was final September 4th. We tried everything we could think of to save it, but nothing worked. We didn't have enough equity to interest any investors and the mortage company's idea of "help" was to reduce our payment by about forty dollars. And there was still a possibility we would have to pay them an additional three thousand dollars in November. So we let it go. My husband's credit is ruined. We are still struggling financially. And yet, somehow? I know that we will figure out a way to survive. I am determined to survive. I will not let this break me.

It sounds so easy to say. It's not. Sometimes I find myself repeating it over and over to myself. Like some ridiculous mantra. And as much as I would like to have a complete nervous breakdown, including curling up on the floor, naked, sucking my thumb, I can't. Because The Aidan and Quinn need me. I have to keep it together. I also have to finish packing and find a house for us to rent. And if you think it was hard to write that first sentence you would be wrong. Nothing was more difficult than having to tell a real estate agent that she would find a foreclosure on your credit. And to have her look at you with a mixture of pity and something else I can't even begin to name. Saying those words out loud to a complete stranger was so mortifying. I have never felt more like a failure in my life.

I realize we are one family among so very, very many. And that is sad. I also realize that we are very,very lucky. My husband and I are both healthy and able to work. I do surveys online, sell Southern Living at Home, and am hoping to get a job as a Cater-Waiter-Bartender for the holidays.I also work at a children's resale store. We have two cars, one of which is paid for. We do not have credit card debt. We have always paid cash. We are not destitute by any means.We just hit a rough patch last fall when my husband lost his job. We never recovered. I am not doing this for sympathy or any reason, except for wanting to be truthful about my life.

We are almost caught up on our bills. Except for the medical bills. Which of course occured in the fall of last year and Mother's Day. But other than that? We are okay. And I feel much better for having written about this. We have two houses we are trying to choose between. Both are in our price range and about a bajillion times better than where we live now. In the hell-hole,er house, we used to own.

I believe everything happens for a reason. I'm just not sure what this one is yet.